Breaking News: The ATP Tour’s “Big 4” to Sit Out 2016 Season

In an unprecedented turn of events, the ATP Tour’s “Big 4” have announced that they will be sitting the 2016 season out. At the conclusion of the ATP World Tour Finals in London, Federer called a closed-doors meeting with his biggest rivals, Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray to discuss the future of the international sport they have dominated for a decade. It is unclear whether or not Nadal, Djokovic and Murray knew what the meeting was about, but when Djokovic was asked about it later he simply responded, “When Roger calls a meeting, you don’t ask questions.” The meeting is said to have lasted several hours, and run up a hefty room service tab.


While the meeting was not recorded, all four players came out in agreement, and the formal announcement is slated for a press conference tomorrow in Federer’s hometown of Basel, Switzerland. The following statement came out on Federer’s Facebook page earlier this morning:

After much thought, and a great conversation with my rivals (and friends) Andy, Novak and Rafa, we have all agreed to sit out the 2016 season. We have had, by all accounts, unbelievable careers. I am the greatest player of all time. I have earned hundreds of millions of dollars, won 17 Grand Slam Titles, and if not for these three, would probably have won 30. Together, we have ushered in the golden era of tennis. Ratings, popularity, and prize money have never been higher. Internationally, tennis has never been stronger. We are clearly to thank for that. But at the same time, we feel that we haven’t been very good at sharing the spotlight, and certainly not at sharing the prize money. Look at it this way, in the past 10 years, only 3 other men have won Grand Slams, and for a total of 4 victories. Is that fair? We certainly don’t think it is, and we can’t sit idly by any longer. Certainly, there is a selfish aspect to this decision as well. None of us could tell you the last time we have had a good cheeseburger. It wears on you… constantly working out and eating healthy. We deserve some relaxation, and some carbs. This morning, I had a doughnut, and it was spectacular. My family will enjoy seeing more of me, too. I won’t rule out a return, but I can assure you, while we share the spotlight in 2016, we will be enjoying ourselves in other ways. We hope that our fans can understand this decision, as we truly feel that it is best for everyone. We thank you all in advance for your support, RF.”

While the others have not yet made a public announcement, an anonymous source close to Andy says that he was not in support of this decision at first. When he mentioned that he has not enjoyed the success of the others, Novak allegedly turned to him and said, “Sure, Andy, you may not be as good as we are, but you are better than everyone else, and it’s not your turn anymore.” The source said that comment really peeved him, and he only gave in after Rafa lobbied him saying, “Once you have had the opportunity to enjoy fine Spanish wine, this decision will be a whole lot easier.”

This announcement is sure to send shock-waves through the tennis community worldwide. At first glance, the effects of this announcement would appear to have inevitably devastating repercussions. Will tennis survive the sudden loss of it’s cornerstones? A source close to Nadal said, “Rafa insists that we need to focus not on the loss of the ‘Big 4,’ but on the opportunity now bestowed upon the rest of the field in any given tournament. He asked me, ‘When was the last time anyone wanted to watch a Grand Slam before the semifinals?’ I had no answer for that question, and at that moment, I realized that they were making the right decision, and were, in fact, doing this for the greater good of the game.”

This brings about much uncertainty about the future of tennis, but one thing is for certain… 2016 will be an interesting year for tennis.



This article is 100% fake. If you made it this far thinking it was true, take a deep breath, our beloved “Big 4” isn’t going anywhere. Personally, I don’t know what I would do if they all sat out for the year. To be clear, it would be very BAD for tennis if this happened. We do need to thank them for everything they have done for the game. Did you enjoy the read? I enjoyed writing it. Think I should write some more satire pieces? Let me know in the comments section.



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